if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
