Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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