he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
