I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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