If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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