im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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