You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize