I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
