she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
