I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
