i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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