at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
