There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
