i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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