would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
