I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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