ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
