whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
