I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
