...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
