1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
