Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
