Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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