Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Houston, we have a squirter
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
