Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
