I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
