Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
