so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
