haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
