I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
