he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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