I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
