You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Oh god it's open bar.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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