I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
why didn't you poke me back
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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