OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
