He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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