Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
