already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
