I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize