all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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