I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
