Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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