he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you made out with another girl for some wings
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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