I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
