is your mom at the bar?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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