After last night, I could never be a politician.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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