I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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