I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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