so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
