are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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