great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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