tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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