Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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