put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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