I got chris browned last night
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
