I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
