Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
