I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize