i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
