So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
