Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
