i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
