Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
