i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
