No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
