This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
