? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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