i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
