even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
