sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish i was in the wii world.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
When are your genitals available?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize