at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
